Skid Steer Parts

Posts Tagged ‘Critique’

Chapter 1

With a last screeching groan the truck skidded to a complete stop.

“No!” I squeaked through my hoarse throat as desperation took over me. My heart started to race as each beat became intense and prominent in my chest. Feeling overwhelmed and frightened I fumbled with the keys in the ignition and tried to start the truck, nothing happened.
“Oh come on, please!” I cried in defeat, as I tried again this time the truck hissed angrily back as white clouds of steam started to rise from the bonnet the truck. I threw my head against the steering wheel and let the tears stream down my cheeks. I had only made it to the bridge on the outskirts of Riverside, the three mile long bridge that led off into Linkin, but it wasn’t enough.

Remembering my head shot up as my eyes darted to the rear view mirror.
I could make out faint headlights in the distance, It was the only set of headlights on the road, It was them. They were following me.
“Oh god” I said as more tears streaked down my face. My heart sank to my stomach and a lump rose in my throat. I felt cold and clammy but yet the heat started creeping up my neck. Panic started to rise from the pit of my stomach. They were coming to get me.

Without a moment’s hesitation I abruptly opened my seat belt, opened the door, and quickly walked to the front of the truck. Even without opening the bonnet I knew the truck was unfixable. Old trucks, like the ones from Riverside, were not built for highways. I knew then what I had to do, I had to run. I had to fight for my chance of getting away from them

I looked around, and saw a faint dirt road leading off into the forest next to the narrow road the truck broke down on. There was no point in running for the bridge; I would be too easy to catch then. With my heart still racing and the tears still streaming I ran as fast as I could into the forest. Soon I was surrounded by darkness.

I could make out the long thick trees from the moonlight, but it was hard to see the little branches sticking out or the thick undergrowth underneath my feet. It felt like claws against my skin as they ripped through, burning where they cut, but my fear over took the pain. I didn’t think my heart could beat any faster, but it did. I pushed through the thick bushes and ran around the trees trying my best not to collide with them. My breathing started to get heavier, and my legs started to ache. I heard faint voices shouting in the distance. I couldn’t make out the words but I knew it was them. I imagined them finding the truck and knowing I ran into the forest. They would follow, they would pursue me. I broke out into a maniac sprint, forgetting my aching legs or the dryness in my sore throat. I didn’t know where I was going, but I knew, I needed to keep running. Head starts were nothing to the men that chased me.
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This is the last time I’m going to post the beginning of this story, but I just wanted to see what people think of it at the moment. Also the grammar is probably not perfect. Is it at all intriguing, would you read on. If not how can I make it more? Thank you everyone who answered. I’ll highly appreciateit !

Technorati Tags: Critique, heart, hoarse throat, part, please, rear view mirror, story, thick trees, throat, truck

I know the grammar probably isn’t up to scratch. But does this make you want to read on?
Thank for anyone who gives advice.

chapter one
The chase

With a last moan the truck skidded to a complete holt. Groaning, I started to feel anxiety play with my stomach again. I twisted the key in the ignition, each time it failing to come back to life. The truck had been acting like this ever since I turned onto the highway. My heart began to hammer against my chest and my blood started to pulse loudly through my ears, making it difficult to think.

I kept trying until my hand started to grow sore, but as much as I tried the truck would not start.I punched the steering wheel in anger, this truck was my only way of getting out of Riverside. I was nearly at the bridge that led off into Linkin, three miles were all that was left. Three miles until I would of been free.

I tried one last time, a dull ‘thud’ came from the engine as smoke leaked from beneath the truck’s hood. The truck was dead and so was I. Feeling angry, I slumped against the steering wheel and began to sob, hot tears rolled down my cheeks. Why didn’t anything ever go right for me? I thought as I sat up, feeling anxiety now taking full control of my stomach. Starting to feel sick I let my eyes glance to the rear view mirror. To my horror I saw faint headlights in the distance. More hot tears trickled down my face and my heart pounded against my rib cage. It was them. I knew it was them.

I undid my seat belt, and got out of the truck. My legs felt like jelly, I was uncertain if I could stand at all, but I forced myself to stand properly. The wind was bitterly cold. I felt the hairs stand up on my bare arms as my long hair whipped around my face caused by the wind. I wanted to scream, but I could not find my voice. I stepped backward away from the headlights, I knew that it would not take them long to get here. Through the darkness I looked away from the headlights, noticing a dirt path leading into the forest. The trees moved with the wind. I felt scared of the unwelcoming darkness but without thinking any more I started to run forwards intent on disappearing through the thick cluster of trees.

Unknown to where I was going, I ran as fast as I could. The wind ripped at me in every direction pulling at my body. I didn’t have a plan, all I knew was that I needed to try to get away. The dirt path disappeared and I soon was not following anything but my will to run. As I ran I kept thinking about them, were they there yet? Would they know where I’d gone? Would they follow… of course they would follow, nothing ever stopped them. While struggling to see the hungry little branches that lashed out from the thick undergrowth, I could still make out the long wide trees reveled by the moonlight. Sharp branches scratched my bare arms and legs, they felt like claws trying to take hold of me. Everywhere burned. But I kept running, pushing through the thick bushes.

Through the howling of the wind I heard men’s voices in the distance. It was difficult to hear exactly what the words were but I knew it was them. They were following. I broke out into a maniac sprint, pushing branches out of my way and jumping over long fallen ones. Head starts were nothing to the men that chased me, nor was my weak body any match to theirs. My legs began to ache, and it started to get difficult to breathe but I did not slow down. I felt panic rise in my chest as my tears blurred my vision and the wind still blew at me. I blinked them away as I tried to push on. I wanted to yell for help, I wanted for someone to save me. But I felt too scared to give myself away.

Exhaustion creeped its way over me making my body feel numb. There was a break in the trees led by an over grown field. I kept running as fast as I could, intent on getting to the other side where more trees began. It was easier to see as the moon lit the field like a stadium. I finally got to the middle, as I was about to push on, I froze. A lump of gall rose in my throat and a chill shot through my body making me shiver. From the trees a head two tall, dark figures stepped out in front of me, utterly composed. I stepped backward a few paces. my heart racing. I collided with something hard. I whipped around, two more figures stood behind me, I screamed and fell back onto the floor. They all laughed. the wind howled. Shock glued me to the floor.
The tallest that had walked out of the trees in front of me started to walk towards me. From the light I knew his face and I knew then, the chase was up. They had found me

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